sa·cred
ˈsākrid/
adjective
- connected with God and so deserving veneration.
It's raining outside and my window is wiiiiide open. Rain is just a euphoric and sensational experience for me...the smell of rain, the feel of the air when it rains, the sound of rain. I just love all of it!
As stated in a previous post, Fall is officially here and I can't help but recall last autumn. This week, Cam and I just happened to be driving on the street where the Utah Valley Regional Medical Center is located. The very street on which we lived for a good couple of months. As we drove past, I cried...a huge wave of emotion condensed into a small river of free-flowing tears. The emotion came on so incredibly fast and there was nothing I could do to slow down it's force on my heart, (and poor Cam is trying to drive and wipe away my tears at the same time...bless his soul) I sat in silence for a little bit, pondering that scene. I was transported back into that corner room in the neuroshock ICU. Those long nights where every hour was significant progress. I remembered each nurse and doctor so vividly that I could recall even the fabric pattern on their scrubs. I remembered late night visits to the cafe on the first floor....I always ordered chicken fingers and onion rings. (the ULTIMATE comfort food) As I sat thinking about all of this, I felt a deep ache in my heart...I missed that time. What?! How could I miss such a heart-wrenching experience? How could I miss the anxiety, the loneliness, and the despair that went along with it? How could I miss sitting in a hospital room for hours? How could I miss the alarms, the tension, and the constant concern for someone so close to my heart?
My Father in Heaven answered my silent struggle almost immediately. "Because it is sacred." Upon returning home that evening, I lay in bed pondering the response I had received and I desired to understand further. In an instant I reverently reviewed the entirety of the past year and the holy ground on which I was able to walk. For you to understand what I mean you must first understand what sacred means. (scroll back up, and read the definition) To define even better what I mean, I found a quote by Elder Paul B. Pieper in a talk called To Hold Sacred . Elder Pieper says,"Our experiences with the divine may not be ... direct or dramatic nor our challenges...daunting. However, as with the prophets, our strength to endure faithfully depends upon recognizing, remembering, and holding sacred that which we receive from above."
The past year I have been able to connect with God. Those of you who uplifted and supported my family have connected to God and these experiences which we share are sacred. They deserve our respect, our reverence and our love as we reflect on them. Personally, as I ponder on all that has happened in the past year I can clearly see how I have touched heaven. All that was artificial, superficial and temporary vanished from my life. That includes thoughts, desires, relationships and goals. As I wearily trudge through my own Gethsemane "[groaning] in spirit" , the Lord has truly eliminated any and all barriers that stand between me and Him and I AM GRATEFUL. All that has been spared in my life are the things of eternity. I have learned so many pure doctrines along this path. I have been touched daily by the immaculate Christlike love others extend to me. My belief of the reality of a living Father and Brother has truly transformed itself into a deep-rooted knowledge.
These things I recognize, I remember and I hold sacred. This is not to say that I wish things were back to the way they were, OH NO. I am so grateful for the progress The Baer family has made in the past year and I wouldn't trade where we are for anything else. I simply need others to know that I harbor no anger, and no regret for the things we have been through. We needed to climb a steep mountain so we could enjoy the glorious sunrise as we approach the summit. I am grateful that my Heavenly Father saw us worthy to be transformed as we have been...and I am further grateful that He has allowed me the capacity to share our witness of His love with others.
Although Papa has his struggles (which right now includes kidney issues that remain a mystery to the doctors) his faith and endurance continue to inspire me. He has every reason in the world to stay down, but he simply sees every reason to get up. And he does. I love my Papa.
Love,
Aubs
