Motherhood

I am officially five months pregnant. :) A little more than halfway to meeting our Miss Payton. 

As I have thought about the past few months and all that I have experienced I feel like I have taken little sips out of the cup of motherhood. I am getting small tastes of what it is like to be a Mom. From the moment we found out we were expecting, I felt a flicker in my heart for this little gal. 

Late February of this year I was in a car accident. I went to the hospital because I totally smacked my noggin on the steering wheel, and they told me I had a bit of a concussion and sent me on my way. The week following the accident I started having some pretty weird symptoms...I was hallucinating, I was super nauseous, and I had these horrible bouts of fatigue. (which are all indicative of brain trauma) So we went back to the hospital and they ran some tests. As Cam and I were sitting there waiting for my CT scan, him in his ER volunteer uniform and me in my fancy hospital gown, a nurse comes in and says, "So you know you are pregnant right?" Because Cam volunteered in that ER and knew the staff we thought this was a prank. So we chuckled and went "Yeah, yeah right blah blah blah." Well she just barrels on through and says "So we had to change your CT scan to an MRI so we don't hurt your baby."  Wait what?! Are you kidding me? Obviously noting the disbelief on our faces, she says, "You're pregnant." 

That's how we found out we were expecting. It was quite the shock seeing how we had been hoping to wait another year so I could graduate from college. Clearly God had a different plan for Miss Payton. 

As I trek my way through this vast pregnancy wilderness I have come across many obstacles. My body has been undergoing an incredible change trying to support another life deep inside. I have felt aches, pains, and constant illness....but for some reason I have a greater resolve to go through this suffering because my baby needs me to. Although it is physically draining, I am ok with losing all of my energy if it means that my little girl can grow. Though they make me sick, I do my best to choke down those raunchy prenatal vitamins so that Payton can get all the nutrients she needs to be healthy. I find myself self-sacrificing so my daughter can get all that she needs to survive. I believe this is the essence of motherhood. 

She likes to stretch her legs out...ALL THE TIME.

Though my sweet girl isn't in my arms just yet, she is dependent on me and my ability to care for and love her. I need to take care of my mind and body so she can have a safe place to develop. This feeling of me struggling a bit so she can thrive came almost automatically. Though I sometimes need to remind myself that drinking three Dr. Peppers in one day is most DEFINITELY not on the list of how to care for your growing child, the feeling of concern for her well-being guides my actions. 

I have gotten to the point where I can feel our little Miss moving around. For a couple of weeks she was moving nonstop and I was thinking, "This baby is NOT sleeping the 14 hours that my pregnancy app says." Well last week I rarely felt her move...it wasn't until last night that she started her usual gymnastics again. I realized how much I MISSED feeling her presence. (though I know as she gets bigger I won't miss a thing) Despite the pain or the uncomfortable positions she likes to be in, I need to feel her. This is the essence of motherhood. 

I am grateful that God trusts me to do this. I am grateful that I can be Payton's Mom. Oh and I am grateful that Payton really likes pizza. (seriously I feel like pizza goes straight from my mouth to her belly) 

Waving. She's so social.

P.S. Update on Papa: After a couple weeks of some tummy issues Dad finally got approved to go to the hospital to get some tests run. Though he is still experiencing the issues, we are hopeful that this next week will tell us some more about what is causing all of the drama. After we figure THAT out we will go from there to determine treatment.