Payton's Grand Entrance

It has taken me a while to write this post. Mostly because during the fall I was taking 21 credits and I had a baby, and now I am taking 18 credits...and I still have a baby. Free time is hard to come by these days! That being said, I am so blessed to be a mother and have the opportunity to go to school. It is hard work, but 100% fulfilling. 

So, I bet you are all just DYING to know the story behind little Payton's arrival into this world. Here it is:

Monday 10/12/15- Cam has the day off and we decide to do some spring cleaning. Payton isn't due for another two weeks, but we want to get some stuff done anyways. After taking stuff to the dump, the storage unit and D.I. we return home just absolutely POOPED! I comment to Cam that my big belly is hurting a bit and I may have overworked myself just a little...after all I am 8 and a half months pregnant. Cam hits the hay and I do some homework, all the while feeling increasingly more WEIRD. (that is literally the only way I can describe it, just plain WEIRD) Around 2 a.m. I start having some concerning symptoms (not contractions) and Cam and I decide to get me checked out to make sure that everything is okay. 

Tuesday 10/13/15- So it is like 3 a.m. and we head to Labor and Delivery to make sure Payton is okay. They hook me up to those fancy shmancy monitors and we just sit there. The nurse comes in a little while later and asks, "How are you doing through those contractions?"  "Oh I'm not having any." "Yes you are, they are about 4 minutes apart." I finally figure out that the contortions in my belly aren't Payton doing flips, but "contractions". They didn't hurt at all! We find out I am dilated to a 5 and ultimately decide to return home so I can either progress or stall in the comfort of my house. (and with my cat) We get home around 5 a.m., and Cam heads to work. (poor guy) In all honesty, I never once felt pain in my stomach...rather, I felt it in other places, but boy did it get rough! As Cam is at work I try to keep calm, taking warm baths, relaxing, watching episodes of "Hey Arnold!" and "Gilmore Girls". I don't eat much because I am just not that hungry. Cam gets home around 3:00 p.m. and decides that we should time my "contractions". We kind of get bored doing that so we just roam around the house trying to find comfortable positions for me to labor in. I am still not convinced that I am in labor, I keep thinking that it might stop. Oh the joys of delivering a baby. By 7:00 p.m. I am exhausted and really ticked off cause I think I have just tinkled myself. I finally buckle and ask Cam if we can go to the hospital. 

We get there, get hooked up and wait. My contractions are about 3 minutes apart and I am dilated to a six. The nurse comes in and announces that I am at a 7+! (I made progress in like a half hour!) We call our family and announce that Payton will be arriving soon! We get me into my delivery room hooked up, and find out that I am at an 8! It is about 9:00 and labor is in full swing. We do some laps around the hospital, and I lean up against the wall each time a contraction hits. We make our way to the waiting room to chat with the fam, then back to the room to be monitored. An hour goes by and then I get checked. I am an 8. Another hour goes by and I get checked. I am an 8. 6 more hours go by and I am still at an 8. 

Walking the halls.

My handsome, loyal hunk.

 Wednesday 10/14/15-  I haven't slept since Sunday night, I have been in labor since early Monday evening and I am exhausted. The doctor tells me that there is a small pocket of water that is blocking Payton from progressing, and if we pop it then labor will progress harder and faster. I admit that I am unable to handle more. The nurse reports that my heart rate is at 160, my body has gone into shock and I have spiked a fever. Payton's heart rate begins to drop. I ask the nurse what my options are and she tells me that I can get a c-section or MAYBE get an epidural to try and calm my body down. Wanting to do a natural birth, but recognizing the urgency of the situation, we decide to first try the epidural. My contractions are two minutes apart, and I am hunching over as the doctor puts in the epidural. I lay back in bed and try to recover. 

Getting ready for the epidural.

The epidural kicks in. SWEET RELIEF OH MY GOSH. My body goes numb and I just relish the moment. They administer some pitocin to help my labor progress. My contractions are so fast and so hard that they stop the pitocin. Although the pitocin is stopped, my contractions continue coming fast and hard. My heart rate is still in the 160s, fever is still high and my body is still in shock. The nurse asks everyone to leave my room so I can relax. Cam stays, and we nap. 

The doctor has a room prepped for a c-section, which we have no idea about, and the nurse comes back. I am fully dilated. She tells me that we are going to try some practice pushes (even though the c-section room is prepped...which we still don't know about). Our little group comes back in and we get ready to do some practice pushes. It is 11:45 a.m. and I start pushing.

Practice Pushes

Blacked out

Payton arrives.

 My body goes into full shock and I black out between pushes. We rest for a while, and then push again. "OH MY GOSH! SHE'S CROWNING!" The nurse yells to the other nurses to get the doctor. He's in the next room delivering some lady's sixth baby which is supposed to go super fast. It felt like an eternity. The nurse is holding Payton's head and trying to keep her in. The NICU team is ready and waiting for her arrival. FINALLY, the doctor rushes into the room, puts on his gown and gloves and the nurse removes her hand and the doctor catches Payton. It is 12:08 p.m. They let me hold her for a brief moment before taking her up to the NICU. The only thing that can compare to the elation I felt seeing her face for the first time is when Cam and I made promises to each other on our wedding day. 

Although Payton was quite sick when she was born, she progressed quickly and we were able to return home as a family a few days later. 

My girl. 

Our new family!

During this whole process I used my hypnobirthing techniques. One of the affirmtions I used was, "I will calmly face whatever turn my birthing may take." Although Payton's delivery wasn't how I HOPED, the relaxation techniques I learned through the Hypnobirthing program kept me calm, strong and in control. I don't feel like I failed because I had an epidural, quite the contrary! I endured a 36 hour labor and I never once lost control of myself. I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl and I couldn't feel more proud of myself. I didn't know how strong I could be, and that is what Hypnobirthing does. It enables women to do a seemingly impossible task with grace and strength. 

Throughout this whole process of pregnancy, labor and delivery I have felt empowered. I have felt as if I have truly engaged in something divine and I know that it was only through the Divine that I had the privilege of doing so. I couldn't feel more honored or blessed to have carried, bore, and care for my sweet Payton. 

Love,

Aubs

P.S. For more info about Hypnobirthing contact me via Facebook!

Deja Vu...Vu...Vu...

The subject line describes deja vu with an echo...meaning we are having deja vu of a previous deja vu. Make sense?

Anyways, today is Papa Baer's birthday and how grateful we are for another year that he has been with us! This past year has been one full of amazing blessings for our family.

As we celebrate today we are having a bit of deja vu in that two years ago on Dad's birthday he got a pacemaker, and today...well...he needed to go in for a CT scan because he is having severe headaches again. Bummer. The results should be in a few days, and of course, we will update you!

Other than that, Dad is having an excellent birthday. Thank you for the many calls and messages. Y'all sure know how to make a guy feel loved!!

Love,

The Baers

Pioneer

When Cam and I were dating we thought it would be funny to go to the store, find the most ridiculous names of candles, and then we would use those as pet-names for the other. While reading some of the most hilariously creative names we would often wonder what in the world inspired the candle-namer to come up with the titles that we were laughing about ....and after that pitiful intro let me elaborate on why I chose "pioneer" as the name of this particular post. (clearly I am lacking in some intro skills)

As I go through each week and see Dad facing some seriously buggy trials, I try to think about words or phrases that sum up his progress. Many of you know that Dad has been struggling with a nasty case of bronchitis and that has created a TON of other frustrating issues. Well folks, HALLELUJAH, Dad's bronchitis is fiiiiiinally letting up. After more than a month and a half battling this sucker, Dad is finding some relief from his insane coughing, his blood oxygen is rising, and he is finding more energy to do the stuff that he loves. He even made Mom dinner last night. :)

So obviously, Dad is a pioneer. 

Google defines "pioneer" as the first person to explore or settle a new area. Pardon me Google, but I think a pioneer is so much more than that! A pioneer, while treading rough territory, continues on despite obstacles, finds ways adapt to new terrain, and maintains a hopeful vision even with setbacks. Google should just change their definition to "Mike and Lori Baer". 

I also think that they should add my friend Allie's name to that definition as well. I grew up with Allie here in gorgeous Utah, and with her being a year older than me, I looked to her as an example of righteous womanhood. Through the years Allie has continued to be an example to me. She has pioneered some incredibly rough terrain, and while her eyes hold a profound story, she hasn't let her obstacles harden her heart. She pushes on, even though path is steep and rocky. 

Allie and her son Mark

One of the greatest blessings our family has received because of the things we have been through is an increase in compassion. We could never not share of the meals, treats and peace that people afforded us during the hardest months of our lives. We are so grateful for the worldwide support that has sustained our family over the past two years. We hope to impart some of this support to Allie and her two children as they continue on in their own pioneer story. 

To read more about Allie's story and find out how you can help please visit the following link:

http://www.gofundme.com/warriormark

Please visit her site, if only just to read her son's story and offer a prayer. 

We love you all and are so grateful for your continued prayers and support.

The Baers

Be Thou Humble

There is a hymn that has been playing on repeat in my mind this past week. The song Be Thou Humble starts with the line "Be thou humble in thy weakness, and the Lord thy God shall lead thee by the hand and give thee answer to thy prayers." Sometimes, it seems like God isn't answering...or isn't answering fast enough. With Dad's health, sometimes it feels that way, but we need to remember to be humble so we can see HOW Heavenly Father is leading us, cause He is. 

With that said, the bronchitis is still here and being a real booger. This can TOTALLY seem like God Himself is prolonging this trial to teach us a lesson or something...but really, this illness is just a part of mortality. Our physical bodies get sick, and Dad's is no exception. The miracle here, which shows what a thoughtful, kind and loving Father in Heaven we have, is evident in the many miracles He is orchestrating in spite of Dad's bronchitis.

TO NAME A FEW:

-Dad STILL doesn't have pneumonia. 

-no lasting CO2 effects despite having low blood oxygen levels for like a month.

-even with Dad's intense coughing, he has been able to get all of his meals and meds in.

-the rest of us haven't gotten sick in any way. We have been able to focus on and care for Dad 100%.

-although discouraged, Dad isn't giving up! He is still doing his lego kits like a boss. (oh and if anyone has any old lego kits (with directions) that you aren't using, send them our way!)

-though it is sporadic and isn't much, Mom has gotten the rest necessary to keep caring for Dad each day. We know God is magnifying the little rest she does get so she can function.

-Dad and Mom find reasons to laugh and smile each day. Like that one time Mom was looking all over the house for something and Dad was sitting in his recliner laughing his head off cause she had walked past it like ten times. 

-Even though he has been in the ER more this summer than ever before, Dad has never been admitted to the hospital in the year and a half he has been home.

It would be so easy to look past these things, but we have to remember to be humble enough to see the still, small blessings just as we learned to do when Dad was in the hospital. We saw Dad's hand squeeze-something so small-as the greatest victory and miracle. The divine signature was there, we just had to put on the right lenses to see it. The same goes for right now, and that is what we are trying to do. AS we have done this, we can see the multiple blessings that our Heavenly Father is pouring out upon us.

Love,

The Baers

Some of the amazing lego creations Dad has done

His current project

Just when you think you've mastered patience...

Just when you think you've mastered patience, something happens in your life and you wonder if you ever had any patience at all! That is how it has been feeling with poor Dad's health lately. (though he really has mastered patience)

The past 6 weeks have been kind of crazy health-wise with Dad. His doctors never want to take any chances (smart) and so when something goes truly amiss, we have to go straight to the ER. We have been in the ER at least three times in the past six weeks, all for different reasons! That's a lot of visits. That's a lot of health issues. The first two issues, regarding his stomach, resolved themselves after an ample amount of wait time. (which we proudly considered ourselves the experts in patience at that point)

THEN last week, literally out of the blue, Dad lost his voice. We had been joking that he sounded like Barry White with his gravely low voice. Then ALL OF THE SUDDEN (as these things usually go with Dad) his health took a nose dive and he found himself battling a horrible bout of Bronchitis bordering Pneumonia. We went to the family doctor and he gave us a list of things to watch for, and should we see any of them, we should go straight to the ER. Saturday night we saw ALL of the things on that list. 

It always bugs when a doctor tells you that you're bad...but not bad enough. GRRR!!!! It is almost like I want to grab their stethoscopes and yell "FOR THE LOVE OF PETE!!! JUST DO SOMETHING!". Probably wouldn't be too effective but it might make me feel better. To make a long story short, we were sent home, AGAIN, with poor Dad unable to stop coughing, unable to keep his blood oxygen up, and with a raging headache. He didn't have a fever (according to hospital standards...don't get me started) so they couldn't do much else besides tell us to keep watching his condition. They did acknowledge that given Dad's condition it takes forever and a day to get better, but can get worse in a split second. (thank you for realizing, kind doctor)

So here we are, nearly a week later, still watching. It has been so humbling to see my Dad fight through this, and I think that is the only thing that is keeping me from making angry phone calls to medical personnel around Utah County. My Dad is truly a champ, taking each day in stride, even though each day is a rigorous battle. Mom is amazing too, being constantly vigilant day AND night. 

All things considered, though this current experience is really crummy, we do have some things to be grateful for. First off, back when Dad initially came home from his 4 month hospital stay the doctors told us that he would have pneumonia (and be in the hospital for it) at least three times a year. He hasn't had it once in the whole time we have been home. Second, even with his super low blood oxygen, his CO2 levels haven't given him grief. (which is definitely something to rejoice about) And third, we have bonded more as a family. 

So here's to patience. Raise your Dr. Peppers and let us drink to good health. 

With love,

The Baers

Barry White. Or as we called Dad, "Very White"

We

In just three months Cam and I will be holding our daughter in our arms. We have been feeling a bit anxious, our heads filled with colliding trains of frantic thought about our ability to be parents. So how are we preparing for this incredible life change? 

WE ARE DOING HYPNOBIRTHING! :)

When people have asked the cliche "Are you birthing naturally?" I am reminded what my amazing hypnobirthing coach (and sister-in-law) told me: "ALL birthing is natural." I am not constructing a robot folks. I am growing a baby and however she decides to come to us is a natural phase in her development. 

So hypnobirthing isn't simply just trying to hypnotize myself so I don't get an epidural, it is so much more. One of the primary messages that HB has instilled in my mind is that I am NOT the only party involved in this process. My baby is working and preparing WITH me through all stages of pregnancy, labor, delivery and after. Not only does she play a vital role, but so does Cameron. Without him this little girl wouldn't be here! Cam's role through this pregnancy, labor, delivery and during parenthood are JUST as important as mine are... So instead of saying "I" or "MY" in regards to this experience, the words "WE" and "OUR" help us see how the process of bringing life into the world and ensuring healthy development is a team effort with equally important roles. 

This being said, HB isn't just preparing us for the birthing day, rather it is building a mental framework upon which we can construct our family. Cam and I are equal partners and our kids are active contributors (from day ONE). This life change isn't as daunting when we think about it like that. We all grow, learn and love together. 

No matter what direction our birthing takes, Cam, Payton and I will meet it together calmly, equally and rooted in love! 

Thanks for keeping up with our family. 

Com amor,

Aubs

A shot of our girl. The techs kept saying "She has big lips and chubby cheeks!" 

Motherhood

I am officially five months pregnant. :) A little more than halfway to meeting our Miss Payton. 

As I have thought about the past few months and all that I have experienced I feel like I have taken little sips out of the cup of motherhood. I am getting small tastes of what it is like to be a Mom. From the moment we found out we were expecting, I felt a flicker in my heart for this little gal. 

Late February of this year I was in a car accident. I went to the hospital because I totally smacked my noggin on the steering wheel, and they told me I had a bit of a concussion and sent me on my way. The week following the accident I started having some pretty weird symptoms...I was hallucinating, I was super nauseous, and I had these horrible bouts of fatigue. (which are all indicative of brain trauma) So we went back to the hospital and they ran some tests. As Cam and I were sitting there waiting for my CT scan, him in his ER volunteer uniform and me in my fancy hospital gown, a nurse comes in and says, "So you know you are pregnant right?" Because Cam volunteered in that ER and knew the staff we thought this was a prank. So we chuckled and went "Yeah, yeah right blah blah blah." Well she just barrels on through and says "So we had to change your CT scan to an MRI so we don't hurt your baby."  Wait what?! Are you kidding me? Obviously noting the disbelief on our faces, she says, "You're pregnant." 

That's how we found out we were expecting. It was quite the shock seeing how we had been hoping to wait another year so I could graduate from college. Clearly God had a different plan for Miss Payton. 

As I trek my way through this vast pregnancy wilderness I have come across many obstacles. My body has been undergoing an incredible change trying to support another life deep inside. I have felt aches, pains, and constant illness....but for some reason I have a greater resolve to go through this suffering because my baby needs me to. Although it is physically draining, I am ok with losing all of my energy if it means that my little girl can grow. Though they make me sick, I do my best to choke down those raunchy prenatal vitamins so that Payton can get all the nutrients she needs to be healthy. I find myself self-sacrificing so my daughter can get all that she needs to survive. I believe this is the essence of motherhood. 

She likes to stretch her legs out...ALL THE TIME.

Though my sweet girl isn't in my arms just yet, she is dependent on me and my ability to care for and love her. I need to take care of my mind and body so she can have a safe place to develop. This feeling of me struggling a bit so she can thrive came almost automatically. Though I sometimes need to remind myself that drinking three Dr. Peppers in one day is most DEFINITELY not on the list of how to care for your growing child, the feeling of concern for her well-being guides my actions. 

I have gotten to the point where I can feel our little Miss moving around. For a couple of weeks she was moving nonstop and I was thinking, "This baby is NOT sleeping the 14 hours that my pregnancy app says." Well last week I rarely felt her move...it wasn't until last night that she started her usual gymnastics again. I realized how much I MISSED feeling her presence. (though I know as she gets bigger I won't miss a thing) Despite the pain or the uncomfortable positions she likes to be in, I need to feel her. This is the essence of motherhood. 

I am grateful that God trusts me to do this. I am grateful that I can be Payton's Mom. Oh and I am grateful that Payton really likes pizza. (seriously I feel like pizza goes straight from my mouth to her belly) 

Waving. She's so social.

P.S. Update on Papa: After a couple weeks of some tummy issues Dad finally got approved to go to the hospital to get some tests run. Though he is still experiencing the issues, we are hopeful that this next week will tell us some more about what is causing all of the drama. After we figure THAT out we will go from there to determine treatment.