Deja Vu...Vu...Vu...

The subject line describes deja vu with an echo...meaning we are having deja vu of a previous deja vu. Make sense?

Anyways, today is Papa Baer's birthday and how grateful we are for another year that he has been with us! This past year has been one full of amazing blessings for our family.

As we celebrate today we are having a bit of deja vu in that two years ago on Dad's birthday he got a pacemaker, and today...well...he needed to go in for a CT scan because he is having severe headaches again. Bummer. The results should be in a few days, and of course, we will update you!

Other than that, Dad is having an excellent birthday. Thank you for the many calls and messages. Y'all sure know how to make a guy feel loved!!

Love,

The Baers

Pioneer

When Cam and I were dating we thought it would be funny to go to the store, find the most ridiculous names of candles, and then we would use those as pet-names for the other. While reading some of the most hilariously creative names we would often wonder what in the world inspired the candle-namer to come up with the titles that we were laughing about ....and after that pitiful intro let me elaborate on why I chose "pioneer" as the name of this particular post. (clearly I am lacking in some intro skills)

As I go through each week and see Dad facing some seriously buggy trials, I try to think about words or phrases that sum up his progress. Many of you know that Dad has been struggling with a nasty case of bronchitis and that has created a TON of other frustrating issues. Well folks, HALLELUJAH, Dad's bronchitis is fiiiiiinally letting up. After more than a month and a half battling this sucker, Dad is finding some relief from his insane coughing, his blood oxygen is rising, and he is finding more energy to do the stuff that he loves. He even made Mom dinner last night. :)

So obviously, Dad is a pioneer. 

Google defines "pioneer" as the first person to explore or settle a new area. Pardon me Google, but I think a pioneer is so much more than that! A pioneer, while treading rough territory, continues on despite obstacles, finds ways adapt to new terrain, and maintains a hopeful vision even with setbacks. Google should just change their definition to "Mike and Lori Baer". 

I also think that they should add my friend Allie's name to that definition as well. I grew up with Allie here in gorgeous Utah, and with her being a year older than me, I looked to her as an example of righteous womanhood. Through the years Allie has continued to be an example to me. She has pioneered some incredibly rough terrain, and while her eyes hold a profound story, she hasn't let her obstacles harden her heart. She pushes on, even though path is steep and rocky. 

Allie and her son Mark

One of the greatest blessings our family has received because of the things we have been through is an increase in compassion. We could never not share of the meals, treats and peace that people afforded us during the hardest months of our lives. We are so grateful for the worldwide support that has sustained our family over the past two years. We hope to impart some of this support to Allie and her two children as they continue on in their own pioneer story. 

To read more about Allie's story and find out how you can help please visit the following link:

http://www.gofundme.com/warriormark

Please visit her site, if only just to read her son's story and offer a prayer. 

We love you all and are so grateful for your continued prayers and support.

The Baers

Be Thou Humble

There is a hymn that has been playing on repeat in my mind this past week. The song Be Thou Humble starts with the line "Be thou humble in thy weakness, and the Lord thy God shall lead thee by the hand and give thee answer to thy prayers." Sometimes, it seems like God isn't answering...or isn't answering fast enough. With Dad's health, sometimes it feels that way, but we need to remember to be humble so we can see HOW Heavenly Father is leading us, cause He is. 

With that said, the bronchitis is still here and being a real booger. This can TOTALLY seem like God Himself is prolonging this trial to teach us a lesson or something...but really, this illness is just a part of mortality. Our physical bodies get sick, and Dad's is no exception. The miracle here, which shows what a thoughtful, kind and loving Father in Heaven we have, is evident in the many miracles He is orchestrating in spite of Dad's bronchitis.

TO NAME A FEW:

-Dad STILL doesn't have pneumonia. 

-no lasting CO2 effects despite having low blood oxygen levels for like a month.

-even with Dad's intense coughing, he has been able to get all of his meals and meds in.

-the rest of us haven't gotten sick in any way. We have been able to focus on and care for Dad 100%.

-although discouraged, Dad isn't giving up! He is still doing his lego kits like a boss. (oh and if anyone has any old lego kits (with directions) that you aren't using, send them our way!)

-though it is sporadic and isn't much, Mom has gotten the rest necessary to keep caring for Dad each day. We know God is magnifying the little rest she does get so she can function.

-Dad and Mom find reasons to laugh and smile each day. Like that one time Mom was looking all over the house for something and Dad was sitting in his recliner laughing his head off cause she had walked past it like ten times. 

-Even though he has been in the ER more this summer than ever before, Dad has never been admitted to the hospital in the year and a half he has been home.

It would be so easy to look past these things, but we have to remember to be humble enough to see the still, small blessings just as we learned to do when Dad was in the hospital. We saw Dad's hand squeeze-something so small-as the greatest victory and miracle. The divine signature was there, we just had to put on the right lenses to see it. The same goes for right now, and that is what we are trying to do. AS we have done this, we can see the multiple blessings that our Heavenly Father is pouring out upon us.

Love,

The Baers

Some of the amazing lego creations Dad has done

His current project

Just when you think you've mastered patience...

Just when you think you've mastered patience, something happens in your life and you wonder if you ever had any patience at all! That is how it has been feeling with poor Dad's health lately. (though he really has mastered patience)

The past 6 weeks have been kind of crazy health-wise with Dad. His doctors never want to take any chances (smart) and so when something goes truly amiss, we have to go straight to the ER. We have been in the ER at least three times in the past six weeks, all for different reasons! That's a lot of visits. That's a lot of health issues. The first two issues, regarding his stomach, resolved themselves after an ample amount of wait time. (which we proudly considered ourselves the experts in patience at that point)

THEN last week, literally out of the blue, Dad lost his voice. We had been joking that he sounded like Barry White with his gravely low voice. Then ALL OF THE SUDDEN (as these things usually go with Dad) his health took a nose dive and he found himself battling a horrible bout of Bronchitis bordering Pneumonia. We went to the family doctor and he gave us a list of things to watch for, and should we see any of them, we should go straight to the ER. Saturday night we saw ALL of the things on that list. 

It always bugs when a doctor tells you that you're bad...but not bad enough. GRRR!!!! It is almost like I want to grab their stethoscopes and yell "FOR THE LOVE OF PETE!!! JUST DO SOMETHING!". Probably wouldn't be too effective but it might make me feel better. To make a long story short, we were sent home, AGAIN, with poor Dad unable to stop coughing, unable to keep his blood oxygen up, and with a raging headache. He didn't have a fever (according to hospital standards...don't get me started) so they couldn't do much else besides tell us to keep watching his condition. They did acknowledge that given Dad's condition it takes forever and a day to get better, but can get worse in a split second. (thank you for realizing, kind doctor)

So here we are, nearly a week later, still watching. It has been so humbling to see my Dad fight through this, and I think that is the only thing that is keeping me from making angry phone calls to medical personnel around Utah County. My Dad is truly a champ, taking each day in stride, even though each day is a rigorous battle. Mom is amazing too, being constantly vigilant day AND night. 

All things considered, though this current experience is really crummy, we do have some things to be grateful for. First off, back when Dad initially came home from his 4 month hospital stay the doctors told us that he would have pneumonia (and be in the hospital for it) at least three times a year. He hasn't had it once in the whole time we have been home. Second, even with his super low blood oxygen, his CO2 levels haven't given him grief. (which is definitely something to rejoice about) And third, we have bonded more as a family. 

So here's to patience. Raise your Dr. Peppers and let us drink to good health. 

With love,

The Baers

Barry White. Or as we called Dad, "Very White"

We

In just three months Cam and I will be holding our daughter in our arms. We have been feeling a bit anxious, our heads filled with colliding trains of frantic thought about our ability to be parents. So how are we preparing for this incredible life change? 

WE ARE DOING HYPNOBIRTHING! :)

When people have asked the cliche "Are you birthing naturally?" I am reminded what my amazing hypnobirthing coach (and sister-in-law) told me: "ALL birthing is natural." I am not constructing a robot folks. I am growing a baby and however she decides to come to us is a natural phase in her development. 

So hypnobirthing isn't simply just trying to hypnotize myself so I don't get an epidural, it is so much more. One of the primary messages that HB has instilled in my mind is that I am NOT the only party involved in this process. My baby is working and preparing WITH me through all stages of pregnancy, labor, delivery and after. Not only does she play a vital role, but so does Cameron. Without him this little girl wouldn't be here! Cam's role through this pregnancy, labor, delivery and during parenthood are JUST as important as mine are... So instead of saying "I" or "MY" in regards to this experience, the words "WE" and "OUR" help us see how the process of bringing life into the world and ensuring healthy development is a team effort with equally important roles. 

This being said, HB isn't just preparing us for the birthing day, rather it is building a mental framework upon which we can construct our family. Cam and I are equal partners and our kids are active contributors (from day ONE). This life change isn't as daunting when we think about it like that. We all grow, learn and love together. 

No matter what direction our birthing takes, Cam, Payton and I will meet it together calmly, equally and rooted in love! 

Thanks for keeping up with our family. 

Com amor,

Aubs

A shot of our girl. The techs kept saying "She has big lips and chubby cheeks!" 

Motherhood

I am officially five months pregnant. :) A little more than halfway to meeting our Miss Payton. 

As I have thought about the past few months and all that I have experienced I feel like I have taken little sips out of the cup of motherhood. I am getting small tastes of what it is like to be a Mom. From the moment we found out we were expecting, I felt a flicker in my heart for this little gal. 

Late February of this year I was in a car accident. I went to the hospital because I totally smacked my noggin on the steering wheel, and they told me I had a bit of a concussion and sent me on my way. The week following the accident I started having some pretty weird symptoms...I was hallucinating, I was super nauseous, and I had these horrible bouts of fatigue. (which are all indicative of brain trauma) So we went back to the hospital and they ran some tests. As Cam and I were sitting there waiting for my CT scan, him in his ER volunteer uniform and me in my fancy hospital gown, a nurse comes in and says, "So you know you are pregnant right?" Because Cam volunteered in that ER and knew the staff we thought this was a prank. So we chuckled and went "Yeah, yeah right blah blah blah." Well she just barrels on through and says "So we had to change your CT scan to an MRI so we don't hurt your baby."  Wait what?! Are you kidding me? Obviously noting the disbelief on our faces, she says, "You're pregnant." 

That's how we found out we were expecting. It was quite the shock seeing how we had been hoping to wait another year so I could graduate from college. Clearly God had a different plan for Miss Payton. 

As I trek my way through this vast pregnancy wilderness I have come across many obstacles. My body has been undergoing an incredible change trying to support another life deep inside. I have felt aches, pains, and constant illness....but for some reason I have a greater resolve to go through this suffering because my baby needs me to. Although it is physically draining, I am ok with losing all of my energy if it means that my little girl can grow. Though they make me sick, I do my best to choke down those raunchy prenatal vitamins so that Payton can get all the nutrients she needs to be healthy. I find myself self-sacrificing so my daughter can get all that she needs to survive. I believe this is the essence of motherhood. 

She likes to stretch her legs out...ALL THE TIME.

Though my sweet girl isn't in my arms just yet, she is dependent on me and my ability to care for and love her. I need to take care of my mind and body so she can have a safe place to develop. This feeling of me struggling a bit so she can thrive came almost automatically. Though I sometimes need to remind myself that drinking three Dr. Peppers in one day is most DEFINITELY not on the list of how to care for your growing child, the feeling of concern for her well-being guides my actions. 

I have gotten to the point where I can feel our little Miss moving around. For a couple of weeks she was moving nonstop and I was thinking, "This baby is NOT sleeping the 14 hours that my pregnancy app says." Well last week I rarely felt her move...it wasn't until last night that she started her usual gymnastics again. I realized how much I MISSED feeling her presence. (though I know as she gets bigger I won't miss a thing) Despite the pain or the uncomfortable positions she likes to be in, I need to feel her. This is the essence of motherhood. 

I am grateful that God trusts me to do this. I am grateful that I can be Payton's Mom. Oh and I am grateful that Payton really likes pizza. (seriously I feel like pizza goes straight from my mouth to her belly) 

Waving. She's so social.

P.S. Update on Papa: After a couple weeks of some tummy issues Dad finally got approved to go to the hospital to get some tests run. Though he is still experiencing the issues, we are hopeful that this next week will tell us some more about what is causing all of the drama. After we figure THAT out we will go from there to determine treatment. 

Our Advocate

I have been thinking a lot about my weaknesses and my imperfections and how I am probably not going to heaven because I just can't seem to shake them! In MY mind I am supposed to have mastered perfection before my 26th birthday, and because I haven't I am the least saintly person in the world. 

I then remembered last month in a semi-annual LDS General Conference there was a quote by Nelson Mandela that says, "I am no saint- that is, unless you think a saint is a sinner who keeps on trying."  

What an incredibly Christian thing to believe. A saint is simply someone who keeps on trying despite setbacks whether induced by ourselves, others or the universe. If I think of myself in the light that Nelson Mandela did, then I am in fact a SAINT.

This idea of sainthood is actually how Christ, someone who IS perfect, sees us. Christ suffered each of our pains so He knows each of us and our struggles infinitely. This compassion and this empathy that He has enables Him to love us regardless of our offenses. From a personal standpoint, Christ knows how deeply terrified I was seeing so many of the health issues plague my Dad...and some of those scars make me act differently, sometimes less compassionately than I should. I often feel the desire to flee at the sight of someone in physical distress which is so totally opposite what Christ would do. The miracle is that Christ LOVES me and champions me even when I run away because He knows how hard it is for me to stay. The times when I do stay is an incredible victory and He is overjoyed when I try my best to be strong. 

Why can't we be more like Him? He is our ADVOCATE which is defined as someone who publicly supports or defends a person or a cause. He is our own Divine Lawyer. For the mercy that He shows me I feel responsible to offer others the same compassion and gratitude that He affords me.

I need to love the sinners around me, and see them as the saints that they are. I need to rejoice as Christ does for each and every difference they try to make in their lives to be better. I need to let go of their past transgressions, because I am not the one who can truly forgive them. I have NO IDEA what they have gone through that pushed them to their choices, all that should matter to me is who they are trying to become. 

So that's all. Those are my thoughts.

Love you all,

Aubs

Also here are two talks that really hit home.

The Gift of Grace

Saints Keep on Trying