Concerned for Christ

Papa is doing so well. :) It makes me incredibly happy to say that. He is healing a little more each day...and even though sometimes we have some health scares, they always seem to miraculously work themselves out. We use those opportunities to rally together as a family and support one another as we make our way through. 

That has got me thinking over the past couple of weeks...how when we have a common source of motivation our thoughts, ideas and behaviors change. We become better, more dedicated and hopeful. 

This past semester has been kinda tough on me, I've been taking on a lot and have felt quite stressed... I ventured onto Facebook the other day hoping to find a little day-brightening post. To say I was disappointed would be an understatement worthy of some Guinness world record. Nearly every other post was about some controversial hot topic and if that wasn't enough nearly all of these posts were accompanied by a barrage of opinions void of tact or politeness. I quickly exited out and found myself feeling a bit wounded. Even though I was not the subject of controversy nor was I actively engaging in a debate, I felt judged, attacked, frightened and my soul was sore. 

I pondered on this experience, and realized that somehow we have forgotten the "spirit" of the holidays. When I was younger I was always so excited for Fall. September with its changing leaves and the promise of a fresh new year of school where I could set and accomplish goals. October with all of its fun Halloween activities and the opportunity to wear a costume that I had been planning for nearly a year. November with Thanksgiving and the opportunity to introspect about how blessed I am. Then December, with Christmas and the opportunity to be better so I can please not only ol' St. Nick, but also the Reason for the holiday Himself.

I realized that I haven't felt that way about the holidays this year...and it kinda just broke my heart into a bunch of little pieces. I thought about Halloween and how such a fun holiday has turned into an excuse to dress trashy, to gross ourselves out, and to ultimately desensitize our tender spirits. I thought of Thanksgiving and how gratitude has turned to avarice...how family meals have been rescheduled to fit around stores opening earlier to satisfy their gluttonous "early birds". Then I thought of Christmas. I thought of my own experience this year, which I know is not unique to just me. I thought of how I really can just go out and buy whatever I want...and so there really isn't too much for me to ask for. Desire to be good turned to desire to get goods. I also thought of how even though Christmas is two weeks away, I am seeing less and less of Christ in this holiday.

I am concerned for Christ. In the Book of Mormon there is a scripture that reads"And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins."

This holiday, despite the efforts of some, quite frankly I am having a hard time seeing Christ in Christmas. We think not of Christ-we talk not nor rejoice in Him...I feel like He is being lost. I am guilty of this too. Do I post more about my amazingly awesome husband than I do about my precious Savior? Not saying that my husband isn't wonderful or that I should never talk about him...but what if I spent as much time thinking, talking, posting about the Savior as I do my marvelous and hunky spouse?

What would the world be like if we did that? What if we posted just as much if not MORE about the Savior than we do about funny animal videos, quotes from movies, or even our opinions on the nation's leading news stories? I think we would all be better because of it, more hopeful, more quick to forgive, more humble, more caring, more grateful...we'd be the best we can be.

So those are my thoughts. We need to look to the Savior more and implement Him more in society. I'd like to make a Christmas resolution. (different than  New Year's resolution because CHRIST is the motivation instead of the new year) I resolve to make Christ my focus. I resolve to think of Him when I am feeling lazy, discouraged and unmotivated. I resolve to post about Him more than I post about anything else. I resolve to be more like Him. And I resolve to share my witness of the miracles that come from living a Christ centered life.


Happy Holidays, and Merry CHRISTmas!

Love,
Aubs

Listen to *this* to bring a little Christmas cheer. :)

I know.

As I was sitting on the bus last week (yes it takes me about that long to put my jumble of thoughts into something understandable) I overheard a conversation. Before you start thinking that I am one of those bus creeps that just people watches you must realize that "purpose" is what sets me apart from them. I people watch to learn more about the people I am surrounded by...oh whatever moving on.

As I was sitting there innocently eavesdropping, I heard a conversation that went like this: "I still don't get it. If you believe in such a loving and merciful God, why in the world does He make you suffer so much?" 

(valid point my fellow bus rider)

The response: "I'm not sure...I just know that He does love all of His children and He wants us to be happy."

(another valid point)

I stopped listening after this little exchange. My mind shot off like a bullet train and when that happens there is not stopping it. 

How would I have responded if I was the other half of that conversation? Have I internalized an answer? Do I even have an answer? 

Yes, in fact, I do. 100%. 

I am only 25 years old, but I have seen quite a bit of opposition in my life already. I remember telling my Mom just this past year ,"I don't feel like there has ever just been peace in our lives...it feels like there has always been something big that we are going through."

Despite that fact, the fact that we as a family are constantly making our ways through a thick jungle of trials, each of us has no doubt as to whether God exists, that He loves us, and that He wants us to be happy. 

How is that possible? Well, in these short 25 years of my life I have learned that it isn't GOD who gives us these trials. Quite the bold statement but hear me out. It wasn't God that made me fall off the bunk bed and break my arm when I was three. It wasn't God who made the kids at my Junior High make fun of me for being LDS. It wasn't even God who gave my Dad all of his health problems... All of these things are just trials of mortality. They happen. They happen because we are mortal and prone to wander. 

How then does God fit into the equation? Just as any loving parent, God hurts when He sees His children struggle. He can't always take away the pain, because it is just something we need to pass through...but He has given us something to remedy all that is hurtful or unfair about this life. 

He gave us His own Son, Jesus Christ. 

Christ is the way that we can overcome. Christ doesn't take away the challenges in front of us, but He surely does help us bear them. Christ knows perfectly and infinitely what we are passing through. He knows and because He knows, He can help us through. 

I know this is true. I have seen too much and been rescued too many times to not know this truth. 

As I thought about these things, I happened upon a little video clip that perfectly sums up this message, 

Click *here*  (click on "Refiner's Fire)

So yeah, these are the little things that make their way through my mind whilst riding the bus. 

Update on Papa: He's doing well. He had some doctor's appointments during these past couple of weeks to determine his progress. Sometimes it's hard to go because we don't see the progress we hope for, but we are quick to remember that the fact that he can even go to these appointments is progress enough. :) He has been having some issues with his feeding tube, however. It is rubbing the skin on his stomach raw and is awfully painful. We are doing our best to figure out how to help him. 

We love you and are grateful for your continued support. 

Com amor,

Aubs

Happy Birthday Papa!

I. Am. Grateful.

It seems as if I am always contrasting things to what happened a year ago. I do this because I am always in awe of where we are now. 

Before continuing THIS post, please read *this* one. It is what was going on a year ago. 

Isn't that amazing? Papa was still on his ventilator. He had just walked for the first time. And as of a year ago tomorrow morning, he was back at the UVRMC to get a pacemaker. I can't believe that was a year ago. 

Last night we had a birthday dinner celebrating Dad and Britt's birthdays. As we sat waiting for our food, I looked around and took in the scene. We were all there. Dad and Mom. Dev, Britt, Bridger and Emeri. Cam and I. Kelsey. Kyler. It was amazing. Truly amazing.

I hope my Mom doesn't get mad at me for sharing this, but as my Dad read her birthday card, she said something that made me tear up a little. Essentially, she said that she was so very grateful for the extra time God had given her with my Dad. I think we all feel that way. A year ago we still had no clue what would happen. A year ago Dad's life still hung in the balance. 

What a blessing it is to celebrate my Dad's birthday with my Dad. He is doing so well. He had a few tests last week to evaluate a few of the things that happened because of his strokes. He is making great progress! Still has no swallow, which is a bummer. Other than that, we are taking things day by day. We have been able to start living again. I love that the Lord helps and heals us so that we can rise above our challenges. As I read in the Book of Mormon this morning, God helped me see a little more clearly just how much He loves me. He gave me His Son so that I can conquer all that is painful about this life. 

Alma 36: 17, 19-20, 27

 27 And I have been supported under trials and troubles of every kind, yea, and in all manner of afflictions; yea, God has delivered me from prison, and from bonds, and from death; yea, and I do put my trust in him, and he will still deliver me.

The Lord is good. :)

Com amor,

Aubs

Day 363

Day 363

I am writing this post whilst watching Numbers and decidedly being distracted from my homework. (but that's ok!) 

The other night Cam and I and Kels went to a haunted house. (yes I kept my eyes tightly shut and my face pressed into Cameron's back the whole time...I was terrified OKAY?!) Anyways, as we were headed home that evening my phone somehow managed to open itself up to my photo gallery...so when I glanced down at the screen loads of pictures from last October sat there staring me in the face! (smart little smart phone) 

I began to show Kels some of the pictures from last year while Papa was in the hospital. And that got me thinking...I need to do a post about some highlights from the past year! Now truth be told the past year hasn't been all "highlighty"...rather a bit more "landmarky". So this post is dedicated to the landmarks of the past year!

October 12, 2013- Dinner with the Family. :) 

October 15, 2013- First day in the I.C.U.

October 15.2013- First night in the I.C.U. surrounded by friends. :)

October 16, 2013- Dad's only means of communication...the three squeeze "I love you"

October 31, 2013-Fireman Sam came to visit for Halloween

November 4, 2013- Dad with his new trach. 

November 8,2013- Aubrey and Cameron officially start dating

November 9.2013- Dad and Dev

November 11,2013-Dad walks for the first time

November 28.2013- Thanksgiving.

December 25.2013- Christmas

December 25,2013- Skyping with Sorella Baer

February 3,2014- Dad finally returns home.

February 5,2014- Emeri joins the Baer clan!

March 21,2014-Cameron proposes to Aubrey

Aubrey said yes!

August 21,2014- Sorella Baer returns home from her mission

August 26,2014- Aubrey and Cameron get married!

October 3,2014- Our first real family outing. NEON TREES!

Yeah, it has been quite the year. Look back so many incredibly tough things have happened, but so many amazingly wonderful things have happened too! Thanks for helping us have the best year possible. We are anxious to see what surprises this next year will bring. :)

Love, The Baers

To mourn with those who mourn...

I am taking a positive psychology class right now and it is so incredibly fascinating I can't stand it! (of course I am a psych geek to begin with so....) 

ANYWAYS. Over the past few weeks one of our assignments has been to make a presentation about overcoming obstacles with positive psychology. I have loved listening to these presentations. 

One young man did his presentation on Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). He discussed symptoms, causes, and eventually the healing process. Did you know that the most effective cure for PTSD was support from friends and loved ones? This support includes listening, loving, caring, understanding, talking, observing, helping....so many things, but ALL done by those whom you trust. 

As I sat listening to this young man I of course thought about my own battle with PTSD. Yeah it's true. It isn't any secret. With everything we have witnessed in the past year, how would we NOT be suffering? (and besides it isn't like a disease or anything, it's just a different than your average type of stress) As I thought about my ability to cope I thought of the many people involved in the healing process. The more I pondered the more I thought of Christ's Sermon on the Mount when He counsels us to "mourn with those who mourn". What does that mean?

I found the answer illustrated in two examples from my own life just in the past year. The first happened last summer as a friend very dear to my heart suddenly passed away. I was heartbroken. I was anguished. I suffered silently and alone. Even in the midst of other mourners I felt isolated. The day of my sweet friend's funeral, however, I was taught what Christ meant by "mourning with those who mourn." After I wearily made it through the service I was greeted by two of my dearest mission friends who did not even KNOW the girl who had passed. They embraced me with love....not to mention bearing a Dr. Pepper and peanut m&ms. This type of love portrays exactly what the Savior meant. These girls loved ME and wanted to support ME in my time of grief. They came to mourn with me and bear me up as I struggled.

The second example is written in the months of unrequited service given to our family in the past year. Friends, family, and strangers alike all came to bear our burden with us. Meals were provided. Blankets were sewn to lend comfort and warmth. Visits were made to show love and concern. Even though these people couldn't change our circumstance, they undeniably changed our experience. This type of Christlike love filled our family so completely that we could not sit idly by filled to the brim with the blessings of charity. The love shown was so immense that it spilled over into the lives of those around us...the lives of those suffering with their own life changes. We shared of our meals, our blankets and our visits to help lift and encourage those feeble hands around us not because we wanted a "thank you" or some sort of praise. We shared because we had been touched by the love of Jesus Christ Himself and we couldn't NOT share.

Mourning with those who mourn does not mean we need a personal connection to the trial at hand. No, it means that we love and mourn because someone we love is mourning.

Love,
Aubs

P.S. A video I saw a few years ago has constantly inspired me to be an example of the believers. This video portrays the kindness shown to a young woman who has struggled with a life challenge. This young woman has a special place in my heart...she is the niece of my dear friend who passed away last year. The young woman in the video, Brittany, passed away this last week. Her legacy of faith and love will forever remain in my heart.

https://www.lds.org/youth/video/cheering-each-other-on?lang=eng

Sacred

sa·cred

ˈsākrid/

adjective

1. connected with God and so deserving veneration.

It's raining outside and my window is wiiiiide open. Rain is just a euphoric and sensational experience for me...the smell of rain, the feel of the air when it rains, the sound of rain. I just love all of it! 

As stated in a previous post, Fall is officially here and I can't help but recall last autumn. This week, Cam and I just happened to be driving on the street where the Utah Valley Regional Medical Center is located. The very street on which we lived for a good couple of months. As we drove past, I cried...a huge wave of emotion condensed into a small river of free-flowing tears. The emotion came on so incredibly fast and there was nothing I could do to slow down it's force on my heart, (and poor Cam is trying to drive and wipe away my tears at the same time...bless his soul) I sat in silence for a little bit, pondering that scene. I was transported back into that corner room in the neuroshock ICU. Those long nights where every hour was significant progress. I remembered each nurse and doctor so vividly that I could recall even the fabric pattern on their scrubs. I remembered late night visits to the cafe on the first floor....I always ordered chicken fingers and onion rings. (the ULTIMATE comfort food) As I sat thinking about all of this, I felt a deep ache in my heart...I missed that time. What?! How could I miss such a heart-wrenching experience? How could I miss the anxiety, the loneliness, and the despair that went along with it? How could I miss sitting in a hospital room for hours? How could I miss the alarms, the tension, and the constant concern for someone so close to my heart? 

My Father in Heaven answered my silent struggle almost immediately. "Because it is sacred." Upon returning home that evening, I lay in bed pondering the response I had received and I desired to understand further. In an instant I reverently reviewed the entirety of the past year and the holy ground on which I was able to walk. For you to understand what I mean you must first understand what sacred means. (scroll back up, and read the definition) To define even better what I mean, I found a quote by Elder Paul B. Pieper in a talk called To Hold Sacred . Elder Pieper says,"Our experiences with the divine may not be ... direct or dramatic nor our challenges...daunting. However, as with the prophets, our strength to endure faithfully depends upon recognizing, remembering, and holding sacred that which we receive from above."

The past year I have been able to connect with God. Those of you who uplifted and supported my family have connected to God and these experiences which we share are sacred. They deserve our respect, our reverence and our love as we reflect on them. Personally, as I ponder on all that has happened in the past year I can clearly see how I have touched heaven. All that was artificial, superficial and temporary vanished from my life. That includes thoughts, desires, relationships and goals. As I wearily trudge through my own Gethsemane "[groaning] in spirit" , the Lord has truly eliminated any and all barriers that stand between me and Him and I AM GRATEFUL. All that has been spared in my life are the things of eternity. I have learned so many pure doctrines along this path. I have been touched daily by the immaculate Christlike love others extend to me. My belief of the reality of a living Father and Brother has truly transformed itself into a deep-rooted knowledge. 

These things I recognize, I remember and I hold sacred. This is not to say that I wish things were back to the way they were, OH NO. I am so grateful for the progress The Baer family has made in the past year and I wouldn't trade where we are for anything else. I simply need others to know that I harbor no anger, and no regret for the things we have been through. We needed to climb a steep mountain so we could enjoy the glorious sunrise as we approach the summit. I am grateful that my Heavenly Father saw us worthy to be transformed as we have been...and I am further grateful that He has allowed me the capacity to share our witness of His love with others. 

Although Papa has his struggles (which right now includes kidney issues that remain a mystery to the doctors) his faith and endurance continue to inspire me. He has every reason in the world to stay down, but he simply sees every reason to get up. And he does. I love my Papa. 

Love,

Aubs

Deja Vu

It has been nearly a year since Papa entered the ICU. As Fall approaches, I think all of us are beginning to feel a bit of deja vu. The crisp autumn-y smell in the air, the vibrant colors dotting the mountainside, the pumpkin spice smell....all of these things are flashing us back to last Fall. 

With that said, a bit of an update is past due. Papa has shown an incredible amount of healing, and growth. We are so grateful for the many miracles we have seen. I am personally grateful that my Papa was able to dance with me at my wedding...that will be a moment I will NEVER forget. 

With the many miracles we have witnessed, we have also had some bumps in the road along the way. We understand that there will surely be complications during Papa's healing process, we accept this fact and are willing to meet those challenges as they come. 

One of the current challenges we are facing is regarding Papa's kidneys. Now we aren't sure of the particulars just yet, only that they are presenting some cause for concern and Papa will go in for some testing tomorrow. I do post with a purpose tonight. Each of us are kind of holding our breath about what they might find tomorrow...the task seems a little daunting, but I think we are all ready for anything. I know that Papa has been a little anxious about going back to the hospital. Can you blame him? After 111 days in a hospital bed, I would be anxious too. 

So here is my plea: Pray for peace. Peace in Papa's heart, Peace in Mama's. Peace in our family's hearts....and peace in yours.

We love you all and are SO grateful for your help.

Love,

The Baers