Like a broken vessel

Day 49

It is impossible to describe just how much this experience has changed our family's lives. It doesn't matter the time spent away from the hospital, the activity used to try and distract, or the people we are with, we can't ever fully disengage. Not that we would want to. Not that we are meant to.

God chose OUR family to pass through this. He chose us to have this in our lives. He chose this to change our lives. He chose this to change us. I don't know about you, but sometimes I feel awfully inadequate to support some burdens. The other night I was in my car at a stoplight and I raised my fists toward the sky and I said,"YOU GIVE ME TOO MUCH CREDIT! I AM NOT STRONG ENOUGH!" (I feel bad for the person in the car next to me, but it is their own fault for choosing THAT stoplight at THAT particular moment)

As I reflect on the past 7 weeks, I thought about how I am doing. How WE are doing. And the truth is...we're broken. Life just can't go on normally anymore. And now, we aren't asking for it to. You see, God loves broken things. It allows for Him to enter into our lives in a more powerful and a more deeply personal way. It allows for Him to fully mend us in HIS way, and it allows Him to use us to be His witnesses. 

It doesn't make it hurt any less, but it does give us an immense amount of hope. That this is BIGGER than us and that this is beyond our control. (If this whole situation depended on us that would be way more heavy than we could bear) 

With all of these thoughts roaming around in my brain and playing on my emotions, I thought of a wonderful talk that was given in October by an Apostle of the Lord Jesus Christ. Coincidentally enough, the talk is entitled "Like a Broken Vessel" and teaches us how to find hope in difficult times. I would like to share the very last paragraph, and testimony of Elder Holland. He says:

I testify of the holy Resurrection, that unspeakable cornerstone gift in the Atonement of the Lord Jesus Christ! With the Apostle Paul, I testify that that which was sown in corruption will one day be raised in incorruption and that which was sown in weakness will ultimately be raised in power.¹¹I bear witness of that day when loved ones whom we knew to have disabilities in mortality will stand before us glorified and grand, breathtakingly perfect in body and mind. What a thrilling moment that will be! I do not know whether we will be happier for ourselves that we have witnessed such a miracle or happier for them that they are fully perfect and finally “free at last.”¹² Until that hour when Christ’s consummate gift is evident to us all, may we live by faith, hold fast to hope, and show “compassion one of another,”¹³ I pray, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Amen! I KNOW that Papa will be whole one day. And I am looking forward to that day.

But for TODAY Papa...is doing better than he has been for the past few days. He had been breathing on his own for over a week, which is probably the coolest thing ever, but we found out that in doing so, his body didn't get rid of the CO2 that it should have...which cause a lot of problems. Gave us quite a fright. They had to put him back on the ventilator, but that is ok! He is hanging in there, and we are grateful he is. 

Thank you for your prayers, and sorry I haven't updated for like a week. It has been a crazy few days...

We love you!

The Baers